she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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