Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
