i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
