I hate your face
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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