Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
