I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
