i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize