my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize