She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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