I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize