so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
