Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
