And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize