Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
