I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
