i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
