She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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