where am i from again
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
