I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize