so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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