I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
