The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize