just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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