i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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