I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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