You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
