just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
