Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
