Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
