But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
