yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
