I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
