too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
