I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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