I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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