i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
