I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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