thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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