Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize