I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
