Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Me too!
I smell stomach acid.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
