hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
