I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
