im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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