I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
