Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
