i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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