Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
