I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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