We're facebook friends in real life
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm at about main and main street
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
