Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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