somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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