i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i out mim tonsoeep
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