I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's never too late to be topless.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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