For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
