If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
