Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
