Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
