I'm eating all of the evidence.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
