Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
