On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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