Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
