i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
