who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
