I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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