party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
