My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize