The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
