i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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