I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
