somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
