Im at strip club and am horny
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
