Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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