Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize