She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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