He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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