she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
