Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
