I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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