Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
