Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
