It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
