it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Randomize
