I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
