all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You ruined the universe
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
