I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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