Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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