Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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