do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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