He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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