I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
