i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize