Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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