Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
