I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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