In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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