There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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