Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
