1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Randomize
