I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
