If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
